Separation anxiety is a completely normal part of childhood development, but that doesn’t make it any easier when your little one is crying, clinging, or calling your name as you walk out the door. It can be heartbreaking and stressful for both parents and children. The good news is, there are ways to support your child, help them feel more secure, and guide them through this stage with patience and consistency.

Here are 7 strategies that can make separation easier for your child — and for you.

1. Practice Separating in Small Steps

If your child is struggling, start with short, predictable periods of separation. For example, you might leave them with a trusted caregiver while you step outside for a quick errand or even just into another room of the house. When you return, greet them warmly and reassure them that you came back, just like you said you would.

Over time, gradually increase the length of separations. This helps build trust and teaches your child that goodbyes are temporary and that reunions always follow. Think of it as gently strengthening their confidence, one small step at a time.

2. Create a Consistent “Goodbye” Routine

Children thrive on routines because they give a sense of predictability and safety. Just as you might have a nap or bedtime routine, create a simple and consistent way to say goodbye.

This could look like:

• A hug and a kiss
• A short phrase such as, “Goodbye, I love you. I’ll be back after snack time.”
• A wave or blowing kisses

Keep the routine brief and consistent. Over time, your child will recognize this ritual as a signal that you are leaving — but also as a reminder that you will return.

3. Avoid Lingering

It can feel natural to want to stay a little longer when your child is upset, but prolonging goodbyes often makes it harder for them to adjust. Walking back for “just one more hug” can unintentionally reinforce their anxiety.

Instead, say your goodbye with confidence, then leave. Even if your child cries at first, most children calm down quickly once the parent is out of sight and the caregiver steps in with comfort and distraction. Trust that your child is capable of working through those feelings with support.

4. Stay Calm and Steady Yourself

Children are very perceptive and can pick up on their parent’s emotions. If you appear anxious, uncertain, or sad, your child may feel even more insecure. Try to project calmness and confidence, even if you are worried inside.

For example, instead of saying, “I know this is scary, but Mommy has to go,” try, “You’re safe with Grandma. I’ll be back soon.” Your calm and positive tone sends a powerful message that they can feel safe and cared for, even when you are apart.

5. Don’t Sneak Away

Although it may feel easier to quietly slip out to avoid tears, sneaking away can break your child’s trust. When they realize you’ve disappeared without saying goodbye, it can make them more anxious the next time you prepare to leave.

Instead, always acknowledge that you are leaving, even if it leads to some tears. Honesty helps your child feel secure in knowing what to expect. In the long run, this builds more trust and confidence than avoiding the moment.

6. Offer a Transitional Object

A comfort item, such as a stuffed animal, blanket, or small toy, can help bridge the gap between you and your child when you are apart. Some children may want to keep an item belonging to the parent or a photo in a pocket-sized book. Others may feel reassured by a favorite stuffed animal they can hold close.

These transitional objects give children something tangible to turn to when they feel anxious, helping them feel connected and supported until you return.

7. Use Positive Reinforcement When You Return

When you come back, take a moment to praise your child for being brave. You might say, “You did such a good job playing with your toys while I was gone,” or, “I’m so proud of you for staying with Daddy today.” Reuniting with lots of hugs, smiles, and positive attention makes your child feel secure and reinforces the idea that separations are temporary and always end with your return.

What About Sleep?

Separation anxiety can sometimes show up at bedtime when children don’t want to be apart from their parent in order to fall asleep. The same principles can help here too:

• A predictable bedtime routine creates comfort and signals that it’s time to rest.
• A consistent goodbye at bedtime reassures your child that you’ll check on them or see them in the morning.
• Staying calm and not lingering in the room or at the door shows your child you know they can fall asleep on their own.  
• A transitional object, like a stuffed animal or blanket (if they are 3 years or older), can provide comfort throughout the night.

By approaching bedtime with the same consistency and reassurance you use during the day, your child can learn to feel secure enough to fall asleep on their own.

Final Thoughts

Separation anxiety is not a sign that something is wrong — it’s a normal developmental stage that shows your child’s strong attachment to you. While it can be challenging in the moment, these experiences give your child the opportunity to practice coping skills, build resilience, and develop trust in their ability to be cared for by others.

With patience, consistency, and lots of love, both you and your child will get through this stage. And in the process, you’ll be helping your child build a stronger sense of security and independence that will benefit them for years to come.

If your child’s separation anxiety has taken a toll on their sleep and you’re not sure how to get sleep back on track, let’s chat. You can schedule a FREE Discovery Call to discuss your current sleep challenges.