As parents, most of us hope that our child’s sleep will improve once we get past the newborn phase. We expect or maybe even wish to extend those 3-hour stretches into longer ones until the baby stops waking in the middle of the night altogether. 

This is what I expected and hoped would happen with my daughter. Eventually, the wake and sleep issues would fix themselves. I’m here to tell you that, unfortunately, that doesn’t usually happen. They morph into new ones. 

I often work with clients who are having trouble getting their children or themselves into a healthy sleep routine. It may be surprising, but it isn’t just newborns that have issues sleeping through the night—I regularly work with 6-, 7- and 8-year-olds who encounter problems too.

Other factors can contribute to your child’s waking—such as wake windows during the day and room temperature—but staying in bed too long before sleeping is a significant factor. If your child isn’t falling asleep independently, they will likely continue waking throughout the night. 

Most people have multiple wakes during their sleep—even if they don’t remember them. As we cycle through the different stages of sleep, our brains periodically scan our environments and make sure that it is still safe. We then return to sleep without any problems. These small movements might be us rolling onto our side, pulling a blanket over ourselves, or glancing at the clock. Then we fall back to sleep without any difficulty.

When my daughter was around four months, I used to hold her and rock her, pat her butt, and continue to give the pacifier until she fell asleep. She would then be transferred to her bed. For my daughter, every time she woke in the night, she then needed that same song and dance to get back to sleep. Every. Single. Time. 

If a baby is fed or held as they fall asleep, that may result in their waking up and needing to be fed or held back to sleep.

If your older child needs you to lay with them to fall asleep and then wake during the night, you will have to do that again—the pattern has been established. The only way to end the cycle of sleep disruptions is by helping your baby or child learn to fall asleep independently.

This does not apply to newborns, who need to wake multiple times a night for feedings. Once your baby is at least 13 weeks and 13 pounds—and you are ready for them to start sleeping through the night—you can begin teaching them this vital skill to help establish their healthy sleep foundation.