Oftentimes I talk to moms who are struggling with sleep, waking multiple times at night, but when asked what’s stopping them from working on sleep, they reply, “I don’t want my child to cry.”

I get it. Because no one wants their little one to cry. Ever. It pulls on your mama heart strings in all the wrong ways. 

Unfortunately, the reality is this – to fix sleep struggles it requires making changes to current habits, behaviors, and strategies and the changes can lead to crying. 

Teaching a child to sleep independently is the way to fix any sleep issue you are dealing with – struggles to fall asleep at bedtime, night wakes, early wakes, short naps, etc. But when you make changes to your child’s sleep and no longer hold them or feed them to sleep, they will not be happy. At all. Your child has a certain expectation of you and when you are not holding up your end of the deal, they are pissed! And it’s so hard. 

How to Avoid Crying 

The only way to avoid crying when working on sleep is by making sleep a priority as a newborn. As a newborn, my approach is a gentle process that builds a foundation of healthy sleep habits right from the start. The goal is to avoid crying at all costs. By working on sleep early in life and instilling healthy sleep habits right from the start, these babies can oftentimes avoid the 4-month sleep regression. 

If you miss the boat on working on sleep as a newborn and you don’t want to deal with crying, then the other option is to wait until your child is 3 or 4 years old. With 3 and 4 year old children, developmentally they are in a place where they understand expectations being set forth and want to do well. For most of my 3 year olds and all of my 4 year olds and up, we can avoid the crying and temper tantrums altogether. And it’s awesome. I have even worked with some 2.5 year old children where they were relativity calm the entire time, which is such a relief to their parents.  

Infants and Sleep Training 

When sleep training an infant or young toddler though, unfortunately there will be crying if you want it to actually be effective and work long term. There is no way to avoid it. There are, however, things that can be done, or avoided, to minimize the crying and get it to stop as quickly as possible. 

When I work with infant families getting the crying to stop ASAP is always my top priority. I spend a lot of time talking with parents about what they should be doing every single night to prepare their baby for sleep, who should be the parent in there, and what specifically should that parent be doing. All three are key to getting the crying to stop as quickly as possible.   

I also use a parent-present approach, meaning a parent is in the room offering comfort, support, and reassure to the child while they fall asleep. I find this approach can help with the crying, especially with older kids. 

Things that can Impact the Amount of Crying 

I oftentimes get asked the question, “how much will my baby cry?” This really depends on your child, and it can be vastly different from one baby to the next because there is so much that can contribute to the crying. Here are some things that can affect how much crying you will experience from your child.  

Age – As already mentioned, an infant will cry, but with newborns and preschoolers and school-aged children, it can be avoided.

Personality – I have two children. One is strong willed and the other is easier going. I think you know who made sleep training harder on me. I ofttimes work with the children who parents describe as strong willed, stubborn, and who go from zero to sixty like that. Easier going children tend to cry less.  

Props or Temporary Tools Being Used – Continuing to use a temporary tool as a transitional object just means the crying is being pushed off for down the road, or it will occur over a longer period of time. When I work with families, we remove the use of any tool that will impact your success and could bite you down the road.  

Multiple Attempts at Sleep Training – This is a big one. Every time you try to sleep train your child and it doesn’t work, the crying gets worse and worse. When I work with families who have bought DIY approach sleep training programs or who have tried on their own and then come to me for help, I always have to prepare them to expect more crying. It stinks. But when multiple attempts fail, the baby starts to learn to cry, not how to sleep.   

Not being consistent – This is huge. Consistency is key to your success. The more consistent you are with your child the sooner they will start being consistent with you and the crying will stop. 

Oftentimes we have to weigh our discomfort towards the crying against our baby’s need and our own need for sleep. Getting good sleep is essential and one of the pillars to good health. Your baby’s crying is their way of letting you know they aren’t happy, and it’s hard, but it is short lived in the grand scheme of things. Keep in mind, although there are things out of your control, like your baby’s personality, there are somethings you can do to minimize the crying you will experience while sleep training your baby. 

Hire a Professional 

When your car breaks down, you hire a mechanic. When you get sick, you go see a doctor. We can’t as parents be expected to know all things parenting. It’s too overwhelming. So, if your child is struggling with sleep, hire a sleep consultant. Especially if the crying really concerns you, having a professional on your side guiding you through the process is the best way to make your journey to dreamy sleep as easy as possible on everyone. 

If you need help with sleep and you’re interested in chatting, schedule a Free Discovery Call.